Building Strong Connections With Your Child: A Guide for Parents at Our Therapeutic Day School

Developmental psychologist John Bowlby taught us that children thrive when they feel securely attached—knowing that their caregiver is emotionally present, consistent, and safe.

Erik Erikson explained that kids develop trust and confidence when their emotional needs are met during key stages of growth. If they don’t feel understood, they may express it through behavior—not words.

Children in therapeutic settings often feel misunderstood—not because parents don’t care, but because the way children ask for connection is often hard to recognize.

What "Attunement" Looks Like
"Attunement" means meeting your child right where they are. As therapist Adam Young describes, it's the skill of noticing your child’s internal world and responding with presence—not just solutions.

Dr. Dan Siegel calls this "being with" rather than "fixing." Your child doesn't need you to solve everything. They need you to say: “I see you. I hear you. I’m with you.”

Try these:

• “You seem really upset. I’m here. We’ll figure this out together.”
• “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m not going anywhere.”
• “Even if you’re yelling, I still love you. Let’s take a breath together.”

Responding When It’s Hard
When your child is dysregulated:

• Say: “Your body looks overwhelmed. Let’s sit together until it feels calmer.”
• Do: Lower your voice, breathe slowly, and co-regulate with your child.

When your child shuts down

• Say: “You don’t have to talk right now. I’ll sit with you until you’re ready.”
• Do: Offer quiet presence. Let them feel your calm.

When your child is defiant

• Say: “You’re showing me something’s really hard right now. I want to understand.”
• Do: Avoid power struggles. Look for the unmet need behind the behavior.

When your child has Autism and feels overwhelmed

• Say: “Too much is happening, huh? Let’s go somewhere quiet.”
• Do: Offer sensory tools, reduce demands, and speak with gentleness.

Building a Secure Base at Home
Children don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who show up. Try these 5 simple actions to help create security for your child. 

1. Be Predictable: Keep routines simple and consistent
   
2. Name Emotions: “Looks like you’re frustrated. That’s okay.”
3. Repair Quickly: “I didn’t handle that well. I’m sorry.”
4. Offer Choices: Builds agency and reduces power struggles
5. Celebrate Little Wins: “You worked hard to stay calm. I noticed that.”

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